Guilt Trip

When the term 'summer holiday' pops into a conversation, it usually excites everyone. Because that's what 'summer holiday' is supposed to feeeeeel like. Excitement.

Sadly I've been spending the past 1 month of my summer holiday in the most boring place I could be - a law firm. Yes I do realise that this is going to be a place where I'll be stuck in for the rest of my life, but still, don't ask me why did I choose to spend my time here now when I'm not being forced to. Oh well.. the money is good.. and thankfully I dragged 2 of my classmates along to suffer with me :D Makes working a whole lot better.

I have been living in guilt for quite awhile.. for not keeping in touch with the rest of my high school mates. Whenever mum or dad have their little high school or even in the case of my dad, primary school friends' reunion, I get a sudden feel of regret.. and I wonder whether in a few years' time I would have the chance to be doing the same thing. I think in the year 2010 - being in August now. I've only seen,

Khai Ling, Woei Lin - the most often (And even that is not often enough)

Chooi Ling - perhaps only 2-3 times

Suat Wei - also just 2-3 times

Chun Yee - maybe just once or twice?

Ter-Yi - also just once or twice

Jiunn Heng - okay more than once or twice

Vania - once

It's sad that I can even LIST IT OUT like this. I skipped out of Siet Yin's welcoming back gathering. Where I'll be able to at least at 10 more people to that list. Perhaps you could say it's not the numbers that count. But let me tell this to you, it is the effort that counts. The effort that we should be putting in to keep in touch with our fellow high school friends. It could be for the sake of friendship, for the sake of networking, for the sake of the old memories.. it doesn't matter. It's the effort that you put in that counts. And it will be the effort that makes people remember to invite you again when they host another gathering.

I think I've already missed out on too many gathering to have the chance to be invited again. But that is probably entirely my own fault. It should be time for me to host my own gathering, but because I've missed out on too many, I wonder if there is already a bridge between us.

I don't want to re-experience what I had experienced with my primary school friends. I've probably skipped out (mostly with lame excuses) on every single gathering since I started high school. But my primary school friends are different, they value friendship much more. Perhaps it was because we're from a small school in a much smaller town. There was no internet at that time, no facebook. So if we wanted to talk to each other we had to talk VERBALLY unlike now. So I guess we were naturally more close together.

I was quite surprised when I received invitation to a gathering last year.. I'm glad they had not given up on me. If it was the other side around, I wonder if I would have done the same? So anyway I attended the gathering and met up with friends I have not meet for about 6 years. Some of them couldn't remember my name.. I couldn't remember some of their names.. Sure it was a little awkward.. but it was mostly good.. I had no regrets going.

I don't want to meet up with the rest of my high school friends 6 years later and start having to guess their names! If I don't do it within these few years before I start working and start having a family, what are the chances of me meeting up with them in 6 years' time?

Jeez.. it's not like I don't know WHY I should be putting more effort into keeping in touch with everyone. I just somehow.... don't do it =.= YET (hopefully) I don't know which Uni is Kah Eng in now.. I don't know how's Jian Wai doing.. I only found out Shu Ying went to Sarawak/Sabah to study on the day before she left. I've been quite a lousy friend to be honest.

Well.. let's see what I can do to change this. Without a car it is kind of troublesome to go out. And going out at night is no longer an option. I don't have enough weekends!!!!! (lol another excuse)

Cheers! Happy Summer Holiday folks!